Stor weekend-humor

Fik en kædemail, der faktisk fortjener at blive læst:



So my friend goes to University of ####### and he received these messages from his
friend who was cheated on by his girlfriend. The first message is her
apology, the second is his response. Enjoy.


Tom,


It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.


There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.


I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.



- Sarah



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for
‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’.
You did a stupid thing huh?


No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid
thing’; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’;
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I’m not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t Fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think
you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,



Tom

Det er faktisk OleFs band!

Tag nu bladet fra munden Ole Frank. Du plejer jo nok at have ordet i din magt, så er det ikke på tide, du lige en gang for alle slår fast, at Big Fat Snake hverken er Viskinde eller Blichfeldts band - alle os, der kender dig bare en lille smule, ved, at BFS er DIT band og ingen andres.

Det synes jeg godt lige, du kunne slå fast i medierne ...

Bavaria spoofs Heineken walk-in-fridge

Stor klasse

Og ænkelsk kan EBs læsere ikke

EB.dk refererer fra The Suns dækning af Bendtners omblomstring:


"The Sun bruger masser af energi på avisens velkendte ord-tryllerier, der gør enhver oversættelse nærmest umulig. Der refereres til de pinke støvler, der nu er blevet skiftet ud med grønne, men det korte af det lange er, at The Sun synes, at Nicklas Bendtner gjorde det fornuftigt. "


Jamen - måske der er en eller to, som kan sproget? Eller er kernelæserne som altid DF'ere, der ikke tillader fremmede - heller ikke sproglige indslag - in the duck pond?

"Fremstår med minimale brugsspor"

Så kom alle stumperne fra IT Factory til salg på Lauritz.com.

Jeg gætter på, det udelukkende er Steins makulator, der gør, at hele lortet ikke sælges under den passende og humoristiske overskrift "Fremstår med minimale brugsspor".

Erdjan - Viski Coca-Cola

Måske et våben i gangsterkrigen?

Endnu en ubrugelig omgang fra Joan ...

Sig mig lige, råber vi for totalt døve øren her i Herreværelset (eller måske snarere skriver for blinde øjne ...)?

Selvom jeg tidligere har været ude med riven og givet EBs selvudråbte sex-orakel, den rødhårede krampe Joan Ørting, klar besked bliver hun ved med at servere sine latterlige og komplet ubrugelige såkaldte ekspert-råd dag efter dag.

Se bare denne omgang kællinge-ævl fra i dag:


06:00 - 02. mar. 2009
Han glemmer min krop

Hej Joan
Min mand tænder ikke på 'hele' mig, uanset hvordan jeg forsøger at få ham til det. Han påstår, at jeg er smuk og dejlig - men han 'udtrykker' noget andet - tænder kun på mig fra navlen og ned.

Jeg har forsøgt at sige det til ham, og han er åben for det, men der sker ingenting - og jeg savner i den grad seksuel berøring på kroppen og ikke kun mellem benene. Hvad er dit forslag? Jeg trænger sådan til en tredjeparts mening.

Den minimale

Kære minimale
Vi giver det til andre, som vi gerne selv vil have. Vil vi fx. gerne have kram, giver vi kram. Det er jo egentlig ganske enkelt. Din mand vil gerne have, at du begærer hans ædlere dele, og derfor gør han meget ud af at give dig det, som han anser som det bedste.

Du ligger sikkert og rører ham alle mulige andre steder i håb om at inspirere ham til få fokus på hele kroppen, men som du nok har set, virker det ikke efter hensigten.

Mit råd til dig er derfor at give ham det, han vil have, for får han det, vil han bedre kunne give dig det, som du vil have.

Mange knus fra Joan



Hvad Fanden er det for noget bræk at svare Joan? Synes du selv, det er en skid brugbart? Har du slet ikke overvejet, at der sikkert er en rigtig god grund til, at kællingens mand ikke gider hendes krop?
Der mangler jo en masse basal information i hendes brev. Det er sgudda dybt useriøst at rådgive, når du ikke ved, om konen er pissegrim og totalt deform.

Fisse skal man(d) jo have en gang imellem, men hvis hun nu er en uformelig blævrende klump menneskeligt affald - og hvis man går en tur på gaden og kigger på det slam, der får lov at gå frit omkring, er der jo god grund til at tro det - så tror da pokker, at fyren bare sørger for at få pels på krogen og ellers skynder sig væk.

Om igen, igen, IGEN Joan!

P.S.: Og selvfølgelig tak til Olfe for billedet fra hans helt private samling ...